Clippy Loves Me, Offers Free Song
Well folks- on the eve of my going into a studio to lay down some demos of songs for my next album, I get the news that one of my songs has been selected by Microsoft to be offered as a free download for a campaign they are running for Microsoft Windows Sponsored Songs.
What song was picked? Well none other than my lovely ditty “Lorelei” – a song that was about 7 years too late to make it into consideration for Gilmour Girls theme music. And for that I am thankful. Yet tearful.
So here’s the deal – I must make it clear that Microsoft is not sponsoring me as an artist. They just dig that tune and want to give it to you for free. And they are not making me fetch coffee for them or rub the boils on their feet or even make claims like “Ballmer pwnz ur ass.” Peter Moore did call and say he would have gotten my name tattooed on his bicep if he still worked there. Then he snorted and cackled and made my phone disappear into a puff of smoke.
Well, the song is FREE. So go download it by clicking here:
Even if you already have the song- be awesome and download it again. Even Clippy concurs.
What is Best in Life? Downloading Lorelei!
Updates and Downlows: Songs, Recording, and More to Vibe With
Unless I get gored during the week by a runaway wildebeest- I’ll be playing this Sunday on June 21st at 7PM at Otto’s Shrunken Head in Manhattan. Come on down for, much like that wildebeest, it’s free! Unless it gets abducted by an alien and becomes a prime representative of our species for exploratory dissection. Thanks wildebeest! Details on the show can be found on my Tour page.
This show will also mark the first live show I’ve played with a bass player in the fold! Please welcome Joe “Joey Baby” Pepitone to the fold. He’ll be holding down the low end and I’m very excited to have him on board.
In two weeks I enter the studio to start demoing songs for my next album. The new songs are coming out great and I look forward to sharing some early recordings with you soon! This time I’ll even remove my bodily fluids from them. If you want a sneak peek soon, then come to the Otto’s show – where we’ll be unveiling at least 5 new songs. Who knows, Fred Hardcastle might even show up.
Joe Renaud, Joey Pepitone and I have been polishing these new songs up – and I think you’re in for a treat. So go to the fridge and make yourself a brownie sandwich or fried cat salad,
mmmm..... Cat Salad
then put on your reading glasses and peep these new song titles:
Show Me Tomorrow
Conversations with a Knife
The Stolen
Old Sad Laughter
Kingdoms
Wreckage of Liars
Caught in the Wheel
They’re so awesome I italicized them.
More soon, things are in the works.
Dead Till Tuesday This Sunday
Howdy pahtnahs-
Man that flu sucked. I haven’t been hit that hard by the flu in a while – and I’ve never canceled a show due to being sick before. Again I apologize for anyone who was going to come out. Look on the bright side – I didn’t give you my flu. And if you wanted it, then you’re sadistic. My next gig is on June 21 at Otto’s Shrunken Head in NYC. Details here.
In other news, I’ve recently started playing guitar in my good friend Joe Pepitone’s band, Dead Till Tuesday. I’ll be playing with them at Otto’s Shrunken Head this Sunday, June 7th. It’s an early show- We’re on at 6PM and it’s free. So Stop by if you can. Joe is a fantastic songwriter and a great performer, and it’s an honor and a hell of a lot of fun to be playing music with him. Check out his website here.
I Was Dead on Tuesday when I missed my show, Now I’m Playing with Dead Till Tuesday. Wow that sounded a lot better in my head than it looks being written out. Where’s the damn delete key? *searchhuntpeck* Fuck it. Cat probably ate it. Too lazy to put my finger down it’s throat.
More news coming soon – I’m hard at work on my Chia garden and my sculpture of the left side of Tony Danza’s face. And on new songs, but I like to order by priority.
with love
-pheroze
Dead Till Tuesday
Oh noes! I gots de flues! Show canceled!
So I have the flu. It sucks. I don’t think it’s of the swinular variety, but the flu is the flu. I won’t be able to play the gig at Corio tonight.
Sorry to all who were going to be there, I’ll make it up to you!
In the meantime, look- puppies!
Flues?
-pheroze
Bring Your Groin to Corio on Tuesday, June 2
Cry no more my fellow going-out-late-on-a-Tuesday enthusiasts, your prayers have been answered. On this coming week you shall no longer have to wonder “What the fuck should I do at 10PM this Tuesday?” for I have the answer. Nope, TV sucks that night – and if you’re like me you’ll have a freshly shaved groin and need a place to show it off at.
I’ll be playing a show at Corio (at 337 West Broadway at Grand Street) – a lovingly quaint speakeasy type that cohabits quite friskily with the surrounding lost bohemia now euro-tourists that is Soho.
And yes it’s on Tuesday, June 2nd. And yes it’s at 10pm. And yes I have absolutely no clue what the set-list is going to be and I probably won’t until we start playing. There will be new songs, though. And there will be $3 Bud Lights and $4 Vodka drinks so these new songs will actually sound good to you. And yes they have comfy couches so you won’t scuff up that freshly shaved groin.
If you can’t make it – the show will be streamed live on nycliverock.com – don’t let it take up too much BANDwidth! Oh! Damn! Snap! Macchio!
They even sent me a fun little flier that has my name spelled correctly on it!
Corio June 2 at 10pm
Isn’t it fun?
See you on Tuesday – don’t forget to lotion up that groin.
Fuck, you know how much spam my site is going to get hit with based on the amount of times I typed groin on here. Fuck.
-pheroze
Quick Note: Show at Bar 4 is Canceled
Yes you read that right – the show on Friday, May 22 at Bar 4 is canceled. Why? Either Swine Flu, Rabid lolcatz or the booker double-booked and we opted to reschedule. You pick the one that makes the most sense to you.
That leaves June 2 at Corio as the next gig. I’ll update once we rebook at Bar 4!
Stop Whining. Show's Canceled.
Why You Should Always Keep A Picture of Dolph Lundgren Around
Most of you know that I am a huge fan of Dolph Lundgren – but holywhattheshitthisistooawesometobetruebutit’struelifenever
ceasestoamazefuckingtooawesomeforthespacebar!!!!111!!!1
Apparently armed thieves broke into his house, tied up his wife and forced her to give them cash and jewelry- now that’s not cool at all, but this is: They fled as soon as they saw a picture of Dolph Lundgren in the house because they did not realize they were messing with Dolph Lundgren and they know, as you all should, DOLPH LUNDGREN DOES NOT FUCK AROUND! Read the whole deal here.
Seriously, Dolph Lundgren would be a ninja except he’s too fucking big (6′5″) and smart (160 IQ) to be a ninja – he’d hire a ninja to mow his lawn while he cured Swine Flu by punching it into submission and creating a vaccine out of it’s flu-tears.
I know I’m throwing out all my priceless antique art and portraits of Tony Danza and putting up only pictures of Dolph Lundgren around. Sorry girlfriend, Dolph’s picture keeps my wallet and cubicle safer than you do. Hell I’m gonna put another picture of him on this website so no one spams me or sends me a virus.
See? I feel safer already.
Where the Hell Have I Been?
Yup, so I know some of you are thinking “what the shit”? What’s happened to the nourishingly sexily spastic typings that you’ve come to expect from me? Well pull up that ragged bean bag chair/ small child servant you have lying in the corner and listen close.
I’ve been busy. Busy with the many multiple hordes of things that grabbed me by my neck hairs and tied me to a high chair.
Busy with what? Well, first off busy getting my health in order. I was waysided by some stuff that came up and had to be sorted out like so many misplaced socks. So that sucked, but all better on the other side.
Then I got a new day gig that has taken some adjusting to. And I was in Seattle last week eating this —->
- Nice Legs
Those crab legs take a while to eat.
But most importantly, I’ve been WRITING! Fuck, I have about 20 something song ideas that I’m fleshing out- 5 of them are ready for live performance, and damn if I’m not excited about it. And Joe Renuad has been killing it on drums helping me bring these songs to life.
So yes, you can hopefully expect a new album this year.
And you can expect many many live shows coming soon too. The first of which is happening in Brooklyn at Bar 4. My good friend Joe Pepitone of Dead Till Tuesday asked me to play at his video premiere party and I’m flattered and honored to do so. It’s gonna be a great night- Dead Till Tuesday are fantastic. Check out the details on my tour page.
And yes, I will be playing the 5 new songs that night. So get excited. I wrote them about all of us.
I’m back on the radar, and I hope to see you all at a show soon. I’ll be writing more – I missed you!
love, hugs, and now give your child servant a rest
-pheroze
Mad Libs: A Review of Chris Cornell’s New Album Scream
I am a huge Chris Cornell fan. I could wax poetic about Soundgarden and his other various project’s meanings to me for eons. I was looking forward to picking up his new album Scream and, in my usual fashion with things I anxiously await, I avoided listening to singles or reading anything about it for the past year. I like to pick up an album and let it speak for itself with no preconceptions. But I couldn’t wait on this one. When I heard that the entire album was streaming on his MySpace page, I decided to check it out.
Well, I just listened to it 4 times in a row. And I wanted to “scream” my feelings from rooftops (haha. Puns are lame.). But instead, I’ve decided to delve into the ancient prophetic and phonetic art of Mad Libs. Bless the Mad Libs gods for so precisely and poetically spelling out my feelings on Scream:
-
The Wandering Woolly Mammoth
Many, many years ago there lived a woolly mammoth named Chris Cornell. This woolly mammoth was not like the other mammoths. He didn’t want to hunt great music. Even though he had a really seeping, pulverizing coat of hair, he hated the cold. He dreamed of living in warmer places. 
One day, his dream came true. He thought he took a short winter’s nap, but when he awoke, almost all the ice around him was gone, and he was surrounded by grass and word holes. He had hibernated for 72000 years!
Chris Cornell decided to go explore his new neighborhood. Where his cave used to be, now there was a caveman era-story building with lyrically malignant windows and auto tuned doors!
He tried to get inside, but the doorman wouldn’t let him in, saying, “No Timbalands allowed!”
He didn’t know what Timbalands were, but he knew he was afraid of them.
Feeling a bit confused, he wandered around until he saw a sign that said “Zoo.” It smelled like his friends, so he decided to musically demolish himself in. He found a section called Britney Spears, and they seemed to be very friendly animals, so he made himself right at home. The zookeepers discovered him, and they were happy to see him. They brought him big buckets of vocal evisceration, ear rape, and brain sodomizers. He finally felt at home!
-
The Mad Libs gods are never wrong. They speak the truth of my disappointment.
Greatest Movie Ever in the History of Planet Earth Just Got Better
Damn. My psychic powers are on a roll! Schwarzenegger is confirmed to appear in Stallone’s who’s who of 80’s kickassery.
Arnold will be stretching his acting chops by playing the governor of California.
Stallone and Arnold BFF
I kind of called this when I first heard of this flick. Now as for Van Damme, it seems he was offered the role but turned it down because Stallone wouldn’t tell him about the character. What the shit? It’s a movie directed and written by Sylvester Stallone, starring Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Jet Li, Forest Whitaker and Eric Roberts and he’s expecting a fleshed out character? I think JCVD’s art flick feel went to his head.
Van Damme, all we want you to do is kick people, then jump in the air and kick people some more. Maybe pull off a one-liner like “want to play footsie” or some shit. But we don’t need to see you emote. On the other hand, you are making Bloodsport 2, so all is mostly forgiven.
